Its been a while since I felt there was something worthwhile blogging about. Recovery has its incremental goals at the start whereby you feel like you are making progress and this is the process that will continue. Then at about week 6 - 7 it slows down almost to a halt where you are not all better and yet nothing is really happening.
Although I feel 80% better I am still quite sore around my breasts and abdomen and don't have all my energy back. I went back to work at week 6 on a part time basis and a bit more so at week 7.
It felt wonderful to start reclaiming my life back and getting involved. Everyone telling me how wonderful I look. I truly look as if nothing has changed. I dress as well as I can while still wearing my compression belt and new bra and no one can tell what I have been through. It is encouraging to hear that I look good (normal).
Now comes the hard part. At week 8 I feel like I have hit a wall. Emotional and physical. I look at my body and feel like it doesn't belong to me. We need to become reacquainted. My friend Cheryl and Yoga teacher is helping with that in our weekly Yoga sessions. I am both impressed with myself for how far I have come and yet very discouraged and frustrated at the thought of starting all over getting my strength back and range of motion. I am so limited and am frustrated. I want my body back.
Emotionally I am feeling very sensitive and melancholy the last few days whereby anything can set me off. A kind word about how good I look or a kind gesture from a friend who gave me a "cancer" survivor bracelet. I am not feeling the strength that I have had up until now and this too is foreign to me.
To top it all off my uncle had a massive heart attack yesterday and may not survive the night. We are all grieving and trying to wrap our brains around this. What a year this has been.
Between my breast cancer, my mother's fall and now my Uncle's failing health I am faced with how vulnerable and fragile we all are.
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