I truly believe that ignorance is bliss and that there is something to be said for the beauty and innocence of not know all the myriad of details involved in surgery. I figure my surgical team went to medical school and they know what they're doing. For the most part putting myself in their capable hands as I expect my clients to theirs into mine.
But, as I get closer and start reading about what will be involved, I have to say, I am getting anxious. I've also been speaking to a few women who went through it and their warnings of what to watch out for also make me anxious. Lympedema, drains, back pain, constipation and the immobility.
It has me thinking about what is ahead for me next week. I look at my body and think that it will never feel the same again and never look the same again. Will I know who that person is in the mirror if I don't look at the face? Will it feel foreign to me? When I was pregnant I used to say that it felt like an alien had taken over my body with cravings and changing the shape of my body, will this feel the same minus the cravings?
What will I be able to do and more importantly what will I not be able to do? I am a very energetic ,active, and physically fit person who has never experienced any kind of illness. I'm used to jumping out of bed and starting my day with a sprint in my step embracing the day with everything it has to offer. I am told I will have to slow down, not lift anything over 5lbs (my laptop is 5.4 lbs) and not reach for things above my head. for how long? months? years? forever? When can I start working out again and doing Yoga?
I spoke to a woman who now carries a backpack instead of a bag and doesn't shave her underarms or have manicures for fear of lymphadema which is a serious disease that can occur after this surgery. What will this do to my sense of fashion? I know that sounds trite and vain, but who you are is in part how you look and dress. As it is I bought all these button down shirts for afterwards because I won't be able to lift my arms. I don't wear button down shirts!
I feel like I'm buying maternity clothes and hope it will be very temporary. I can donate them afterwards.
In many ways I feel like Alice In Wonderland, falling into the hole at surgery and waking up in a new place with a different life and different body.
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Orly,
ReplyDeleteHaving access to all this information and all these wonderful people are both great and a pain. I wish the day they tell you is the day you could just get it done. No time to think, no time to research, no time to go through that long list of what if's. God has your hand, he's going to walk with in the surgery, stay with you, guide each doctors hand, and walk out with you. You've got one of the best people with you through your surgery-and some of the best people waiting to love you when you get out. Love You...Meg
I agree. So many people have SOOOO many opinions. Remember that you are a smart, tough, and intelligent woman. Your KEEN people skills will help you sort through what is realistic, over the top and plain old neurotic. Not to say that to this person this is not important or even real, just to say that you are SOOO well read and SOOO street smart, you will surely know what's best for you. With the support of friends around you and those of us who love you beyond love, the answers will be there. Hang in there and know that I think of you and pray for you each and every day. I think the anxiety of the unknown is worse than knowing it's behind you for people like us! Love you! Leslie
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